Reprieve

For the past nine months or so I have lived with the possibility of lung cancer. Having been diagnosed with a lung tumour in early March, I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions. All sorts of emotions.

I’d say that the eighty/twenty rule applied — as around eighty percent of the time I was very positive and optimistic. But then for the other twenty percent I was fearful and pessimistic about the outcome.
Even though I have great respect for medical doctors, I also realise that they are only human and are not always correct. I don’t adhere to the view that the doctor is right and you must do exactly what they tell you. I was a nurse for thirty or so years and I came across some pretty stupid doctors — sure they had the nous to acquire a vast amount of knowledge but there are occasions when plain and simple common sense applies. Not that sense is all that common.
But I digress — I found my doctors to be very reasonable and open to questioning. My specialist was a little surprised at first when I said no to his request for me to have a lung biopsy. I refused because he’d just spent some time explaining about all the other options and I wanted to explore them before submitting to something so invasive.
Once these other avenues were exhausted then I agreed to the biopsy. Then when the results returned negative he said it was just because they hadn’t found the ‘right’ area and would have like to do it again. Except I’d already had a collapsed lung because of it and I wasn’t going down that road again.
So whilst I was fairly confident all was well, there was this little voice in my head telling me that it wasn’t. That I probably have to have that lobe of my lung removed. Telling me that I probably wouldn’t see my avocado tree bear fruit — of course it may never bear fruit. But anyway…
So I’ve vacillated between hope and horror for months and endured what seemed like an interminable wait — six months can feel like an eternity.
Then came the check CT scan before the visit to get the results. More sleepless nights wondering what the outcome would be. Finally the time came for the appointment to get the results. I was quite calm going in despite all the doom and gloom my little voice had been forecasting.
When I got into the rooms the CT scan of my lung was on the computer, and the doctor got straight down to business — the ‘tumour’ which had already shrunk by twenty percent was now down to 4 millimetres! Yay !!. Now perhaps it might be scar tissue?
I was in the clear at last and what a relief. It was like an enormous weight and been lifted off my shoulders. Now I can relax and live life again. Because for the last months I had put my life on hold — fearful of making any appointments for the future.

So I’ve been given a reprieve and it feels great — I’m back to making long-term plans with increased optimism. I’ve been sleeping better, exercising again and looking forward to living life my way again.