We have all experienced fear of some sort at times in our lives. It is a natural response to danger or threat and can materialise in many forms. Sometimes we can fear an idea or something that has not occurred yet, or we respond to an actual threat to our person. Whichever way, most fear is perceived as accurate, even when it may not be.
Our flight or fight response is a natural protection from danger for the body, and fear can be associated with this, just like the child who is frightened of the monsters under the bed and are absolutely certain that they are real. Another way of putting it is — F.E.A.R. — false evidence appearing real.
I remember being fearful of what the future may hold for me after Kelly died. Worrying about imagined difficulties made me a jumpy mess. But gradually over time, those feelings eased as I learned to accept the fact that I was worrying with no real reason. So life settled back into a more normal routine.
So then I began to worry that I would lose one of my other children and the whole process began again. Now I can look back at the person I was at that time and see that it was a natural progression having lost one child to fear losing another. Worry for nothing.
As the years have passed I have realised that I am not nothing without my children. My children have grown to adulthood and as such make their own decisions for their lives. They do not need me anymore. The fears that I had, although they seemed real, were unnecessary. My children are living their own lives without any input from me now. They don’t need me for that anymore, but they also know that I am there for them if they do feel the need for help or advice. Or at least one of them does. The other has chosen to live a life separate from her parents. And that is her prerogative completely — she is free to live her life in whatever way she likes.
The mind is a funny thing — we can justify anything if we put enough energy into it. We can convince ourselves that we deserve this because of that and so on. But that doesn’t necessarily make it true. So fearing the worst and expecting the best is probably not the best way to go on in life.
So I’ve decided that what my children do with their lives is not my problem, and I have a new mantra now — “Their happiness is not my responsibility.”
Fearing the unknown is reasonable up to a point — at some stage, you just have to accept that some things are beyond your control and get on with your life.