Throughout our lives, we get to face many differing challenges. Some are relatively minor, others can be massive. Many of those little challenges go unnoticed as we go about our daily lives. The bigger ones can hit you in the face, demanding attention immediately. These noticeable ones don’t go away — and if ignored can often become bigger. So going back to bed and pulling the doona over your head is not the best way to deal with them.
Over my lifetime I’ve had some of these whoppers and they can be terrifying. Some are impossible to ignore, and others can be pushed to the back burner for a while but ultimately need looking at.
Suicide was all-consuming, it wouldn’t go away and I had to face it regardless. It was a test to end all tests, but somehow we got through it. At some point comes the realisation that life does go on, and you have to keep up with it.
Over the years I have learned to accept that life will keep on sending me challenges, ones that I’d rather not have to deal with but there is no choice. Sometimes it is better to not have a choice — choices can keep us dithering.
In those first few months after Kelly died it was like life was on automatic pilot. I did what I had to do around the house, went to work, and did my job — although looking back I’m not sure how well that went. But I knew that life was going on regardless, so had to keep doing it. Then one day I realised that there was a choice. I had to choose between surviving or living. Being constantly unhappy and sad was a choice — being happy didn’t mean that I wasn’t sad but it didn’t have to rule my life.
So I chose to live my life more fully — to become involved in it again. And I did this with the help of my husband, family, and some wonderful friends. Friends who have been with me on this arduous journey — there with a hug or words of encouragement along the way. It really helps to have someone from the outside to confide in or to simply use as a sounding board.
Embracing life is such a positive thing to do and it can make you feel more in control as opposed to letting life happen and not being in control at all. Life can be amazing when you approach it from a positive angle.