I’ve noticed that sometimes I have difficulty asking others for help. I’ve always been independent and can manage to do most things myself. Yet there are times when I need to ask for help, and that can be difficult. Yet if you asked me to help you I would certainly comply. Why can it be so easy to help someone else, yet hard to ask for it yourself? Is it pride or just plain stubbornness I wonder. Perhaps it is simply that I don’t like to admit I can’t do something, or see asking for help as a sign of weakness.
I certainly don’t think someone is weak if they ask for help, and I’ve been known to offer my assistance without being asked. It’s a no-brainer to me and often an automatic reaction when I see someone in need. Yesterday I was in the supermarket and the guy ahead was buying an enormous television. He had it on a trolley and wheeled it out of the store. I didn’t think any more about it until I got to my car and saw he was parked next to me. I wondered how he planned to get it on the back of his ute and without thinking, my mouth went into gear and I asked if he needed any help. Then I remembered my sore shoulder and thought oh shit, I’ve done the wrong thing here as he gratefully accepted my offer. But really all he needed was someone to guide and steady the gigantic box while he did all the heavy lifting. Mission accomplished and no shoulders were harmed.
When we don’t ask for help, we have to struggle on our own. Martyrdom is not such a great place to be, so why put yourself there? I can’t remember a single time that I’ve been turned down when asking for help — so why do I struggle with the concept? Perhaps it is because I had to learn to be independent from an early age and it has become a habit. Maybe it is a pride thing having to admit some sort of weakness by asking for help.
Over the years I’ve asked for help and received it most of the time — I think the trick is to actually say what you need or want so you can get it. But I’ve noticed that now I’m all grown up, it is getting easier to ask and easier to receive that much-needed help.
So perhaps it is time to surrender some independence — it’s not forever — and ask for help when you need it. Sometimes the act of asking for help may just result in a conversation that solves the problem anyway. Whichever way you go, swallow your pride and ask — you might just find that people are really happy to be of assistance.
And just maybe if you are feeling down — suicidal even— speaking to someone could be all that you need. Phone a friend because they really care. And if you feel you can’t bother your friends, call Lifeline or similar and talk to a trained counsellor.