We’ve just had another really sad week here in Victoria as we learnt of the death of one of our loveable former footy greats. He was a legend of Aussie rules and much loved guy. A gentle and caring man despite his tough demeanour on the footy field. At first it just seemed to be a tragic accident, but as time progressed we learnt of his long-standing battle with mental health issues and it appears to have been a suicide. So we’ve seen many big and tough players — past and present in tears on national television, unashamedly showing their grief for all to see. His death came a day before the World Suicide Prevention day. This week we’ve also had RUOK day.
Both are wonderful ideas that has us be more comfortable around talking about suicide — and for a little while their publicity makes it easier for us to look around us at our friends and loved ones to try and see if anyone needs to be asked the question. Are you okay? We are told that it is a question we need to ask more, but for most of us it is difficult to read between the lines to see that there is pain and suffering there. They mask it well, so we don’t feel compelled to ask — or even think about asking it. How do you approach someone who is the life of the party, the joker or the person who always seems happy to ask if they are considering suicide?
From my limited experience it seems that people with suicidal ideation do a great job of hiding their true feelings. So that when a suicide occurs, we are left wondering how we could have missed the signs. Asking ourselves what should we have been looking for? In our case those signs were massive, but to our untrained eyes, the behaviour just seemed to be a bit odd — weird even at times.
We’ve seen a lot of open emotion around suicide deaths on television lately, and I think that it is a good thing. There has been much more talk about suicide and it’s effect on those left behind, and I can only see it as a step in the right direction. But — and it’s a BIG but — the death rate from suicide is rising in Australia and I can only assume this is a global phenomenon too. We’ve been talking more about it, talking much more openly so it’s not such a taboo subject now but sadly we don’t seem to be getting the results. The numbers should be going down now — not up.
So whilst I’m sure that greater minds than mine are working on this, it really is up to us to work on reducing those numbers. It is our loved ones who are dying so it is our responsibility to do something about it. It is happening in all walks of life, to all socio-economic groups, and whilst some are more pre-disposed than others it really is across the board. We can’t afford to sit back and expect the “experts” to come up with a solution anymore. We need to educate ourselves, so we can learn to look beneath the frivolity and smiles to see the hints of pain within. Those who have experienced a suicide personally often talk about how happy that person was, so the quiet sad ones who we may expect are often not the ones. My family was fooled by the caring,happy, funny girl — don’t let yours be too.
So don’t fear looking foolish by asking the question — be glad that you had the courage to do so rather than have to attend a funeral next week. Reach out and don’t let fear get in the way of saving a life.
