A hug can be a language all on its own. There are many varieties of hugs and they can be used appropriately in many different settings. As a child I don’t recall hugs being used much — at least not in my family. As I got older it seemed to be a caring thing to do, and totally normal. (If there is such a thing as normal?) Hugs have become a vital part of my life since Kelly died.
Prior to that, I didn’t realise I needed them. One thing that struck Ross in the aftermath was the number of his male colleagues, friends, and family that hugged him. He’d never experienced anything like that before. Men simply didn’t do that. However, once you notice them, they seem to become rather vital — whether you’re female, male or a child. Children I think, need that reassurance constantly. Thankfully we have gone long past the era where children should be seen and not heard. And they respond so beautifully to a warm hug.
A hug can indicate many different emotions: hello and pleased to see you; I missed you; I’m so happy for you; I’m so sad for you and probably a few other definitions that I’ve missed. But I’m sure you get the picture. We all need a human touch — something that was truly evident when we were in lockdown. I was fortunate to have had Ross with me during that awful time, but there were many less fortunate that had to manage it alone.
Sometimes a hug can show the recipient that you really care. Words are not always easy to find in some situations — particularly following a death. But a hug can communicate mutual grief when speaking can sometimes seem too glib and meaningless. I recall during that awful first week following Kelly’s death, one of my colleagues arrived at the door bearing a gift of amazing YoYos (I hid the jar and rationed them out.) She said she’d driven around the block because of not knowing what to say to me. But in this case words were superfluous — just being there can make such a difference, and if accompanied by a hug then it means a lot.
The other thing is that it doesn’t matter if you’re the hugger or the huggee — you both get the benefits of a hug. Of course there are probably some people whom it would not be appropriate to hug, but I’m sure you’ll have that worked out.
So keep on hugging — if you already do, and maybe you could try it out if you don’t. And remember being the giver of hugs — the hugger also gets the benefit of receiving them — the huggee. Enjoy!