We all need time alone. Sometimes we need to take time away from the mad rush of life and chill out. It is not being antisocial but a vital boost for your health and well-being.
Loneliness is a different thing — you can be lonely and surrounded by a crowd of people. You can make conversation and appear to be happy whilst inside there is a nagging ache. You may feel that people don’t know you, and don’t understand how you’re feeling.
Anecdotes from people who had previously decided to suicide (but didn’t) show that they had been able to put on that brave and happy face for appearance’s sake whilst planning to end their life. It is also said that a potential suicide will make contact with many — family and friends and seem to be okay. Nothing to see here!
We can’t always trust that what you see is what you get. We don’t always see the struggle or the doubts that people are facing, and we accept what we see. And that can be just a front.
Kelly came home to stay a few days before she took her own life. We were totally fooled — we thought that she had turned the corner and was back for good. We were cautiously optimistic about the future and then she died. I’ve heard many of these sorts of stories but it doesn’t help much now. We were completely ignorant of the actions and behaviors of people contemplating suicide. It seems to be a very private thing, and once the decision is made then there is a sort of relief. They extend olive branches to their nearest and dearest who think this is awesome, and the next you know they are gone forever.
For me, it was the forever part that was the hardest to accept. Life became filled with doubts and questions — was there something I could have done, or what did I miss? Were there signs to say that suicide was a possibility?
I’d had no dealings at all with suicide, nobody I knew had lost someone close so I was totally ignorant of the signs, so I wasn’t looking for them. Plus it would have felt very wrong to be asking if she was thinking of it. I did know that something was wrong, but suicide was not on my radar.
I have learned so much in the last twenty-three years — it still sometimes seems like it was yesterday. But I think the most important thing I can do for myself is to take time out for myself. Alone time where I can read a book, go for a walk or watch a movie and not feel guilty because I’m sitting doing nothing in particular. It’s a good thing.
So where and when do you take time out for yourself?