I work one day a week in a retail job and the most common topic of conversation is the weather. Normally by this time of the year we are having lovely sunny days with the occasional really hot one thrown in. But this year we had an exceptionally long winter and spring has been nothing like it usually is. So we’ve been unable to pack away our winter clothes because whilst we may get a hot day or two we go back to really cold. Often getting four seasons in one day. So people have been complaining about how cold it is, and how they can’t seem to focus on summer clothes when its cold and so on. Then they start to talk about how great it will be when the weather warms up again. How nice it will be to wear lighter clothing and not have to layer up because it is so cold. So the prevailing theme is all about ‘When’ the weather improves and how cold it is right ‘Now’.
Well, recently we had one of those lovely spring days where it was quite warm, very little breeze and we could dress in our lighter clothing. Then we were assured that the next day would be very hot — and it was, but it was also very, very windy. Rather unpleasant actually and nothing like the previous day at all. But we got what we wanted — warmer weather right? Not! But later, when the cool change hits we will be more comfortable.
So why is it that we always want something different to what we have now. Why do we look to the future where we assume things will be better? If we are working, often our thoughts turn to when we get home. Very little time is spent focusing on the now. Plus the past is also something we contemplate frequently.
I read an article about changing bad habits by concentrating on the moment — the now. So by telling our brains what we want right now, with less thought for the ‘when’ we can change unwanted habits. Our brains get lazy and take the easy road hence the difficulty in eradicating bad habits. We need to keep the brain on track — in the now. Yet we are rarely living in the ‘now’ because we set our focus on the future or the past — none of which we can alter especially the past.
Regrets are something that we all have, yet they are useless unless we use them to learn. Strangely for me, when I look at Kelly’s death, I can be grateful for all that I learnt from that time. Yes, I had many regrets and I still miss her terribly, but I did learn so much from her dying. Losing a child is not something I’d wish to repeat. I will be forever grateful for having known her, and the lessons I learnt once the rawness of my grief faded somewhat.
So I’m learning to live more in the now — of course I still slip back into the old way of looking to the when, but I’m getting better at it.